Dear agent, I’m a spiritual healer and author/scribe. I was guided by Jesus to email you this, who I’ve met in person many times, while touring throughout creation together!
I’m jealous. I hear Jesus gets his tour guests killer discounts at hotels and theme parks.
SlushPile Hell turned 4 today! We’re finally learning to use the potty.
This work consist of seven volumes. After you read Volume VI, you will know that the Lord has sent you the greatest writing ever written. Its sales shall succeed anything that has ever been sold in the world, even Harry Potter. You are authorized to represent my global publishing interest and all speaking engagements, etc. The Lord wants me to have a worldwide commercial publishing contract with a large cash advance.
I think you just made Jesus cry.