In my trophy cabinet there are yet to be literary awards of excellence. What is there is an epic quest born simply of unquenchable wonder and amazement.
You have an epic quest in your trophy cabinet? I can top that. In my wardrobe, I have an unforgettable journey into a land called Narnia.
Greetings, dear agent. It is a pleasure to connect with others who admire the written word as I do.
Oh quite the opposite. There are a lot of written words I absolutely abhor.
As your website states, you represent both fantasy and romance, some I am sending you my manuscript that would fit into both of those genres.
Actually, my site pretty clearly states that I don’t represent either fantasy or romance. But thanks for wasting a few minutes of my time. I appreciate it. Maybe you can send me your haiku next time.
Please. Please turn my novels into money. I possess a supreme talent. And I am no fool; I see how this has to be. With the right team behind me I could revolutionize literature and show consumers how there is still such a thing as soul in this soulless nation.
I, too, possess a supreme talent. I am able to read dozens of ill-conceived query letters each week without my head bursting into flames.
Now for weeks I’d tell you this is surely the last manuscript I am sending you (I truly thought so) but God said last night I was wrong because we had not reached seven (God’s perfect number), well now we have I have attached manuscript number 17, focus on the seven not one and also it has seven chapters.
Dude, go ahead and write the other 760 manuscripts. We all know that’s where this is heading.
I need cooperation in aspect of proper editing, publishing to meet up good quality as well in marketing. I will so much expect your organization could consider my request to gain out of your quality and efficiency service. A quick respond from yours will be much appreciate for both of us to have breakdown.
I’m already in the midst of a breakdown. Thank you very much.
Dear agent, how are you? The Lord spoke to me again and instructed me to give you a continuation of the last manuscript I sent you. I did not mean to be a burden I know I said it the last time but I’ll say it again SORRY, I know I’m giving a lot of unnecessary work stay blessed. Check your attachment box.
The Lord really is getting on my nerves.
Dear agent, how are you sir? Its Prophet xxxxxx here. I’d like you to take a look at the manuscript I’ve attached to this e mail. In case you were wondering this is the twelfth I’ve sent you and I’d like us to stop here for now to allow you to work. In the not distant future if you would love to continue working with me then we will.
Reason number 965 SlushPile Hell readers should be looking at my life and saying, “But for the grace of God, there go I.”
Hi, I am seeking a literary agent to assist me with getting my book published with a major book company. My ultimate goal is to have my book published with one of the major book publishing companies, along to get my book into the major stores and bookstores. So my goal is to find a major book company.
You know what you should do? Find a major book company.
In addition to great press for the publishing brand and terrific book sales, the publisher and I would be doing truly good works; the kind “Creator, Universe, God, Love” tends to smile upon.
I just spoke with “Creator, Universe, God, Love” to make sure you’re right. Not getting a good response. I think the Big Guy is still in a bad mood after watching the Grammys a couple nights ago. Frank Ocean’s performance made him lose a little more hope in humanity.
