Will you represent me that my talents might be exploited to their fullest financial potential? My name is xxxxx and I have a mind of heavenly ideals. I will guide and comfort my people through the art of written word, and make my living while doing so, but I’d like your help.
Sorry, I help only those writers who have a mind of heavenly ideals…. Oh wait, you do. Never mind. Of course I’ll represent you. Duh.
My only hope is to have my story read and for the reader to judge whether its merit is to be catered along the worthy and lucky enough to be published. My vision is my own and my story has been conceived in sheer passion, pits of despair and pending joy. Love cannot grow if hate didn’t exist and hope could not cling to me if denial didn’t persist.
And my only hope is to receive a query letter that doesn’t make me throw up a little in my mouth.
I understand that many agents will attend BEA in New York the week of June 4. Can you tell me whether you’ll be attending and whether you have time to meet with me to discuss my manuscript? I live in New Jersey and can meet you for coffee in the city anytime that week.
Yes, I’ll be there, Snooki. But no, I don’t have time to meet with you.
Intuitively I am led as an Author to your establishment having perused the Association of Author’s Representative website and I believe you have what it takes to meet my Publishing target. The work would have a Trade Mark, and at this Juncture I would implore you to view this as a world wide and universal presentation.
I am so glad that liquor stores open early.
Dear Mr. xxxxx, you may remember, we met not too long ago in the spirit world.
Yes, I definitely remember. You were dressed in chinos, a dapper gabardine jacket, loafers, with a manuscript in your hand. And I was running away screaming. The spirit world isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.
I am seeking an agent with a sense of urgency, ambition, and integrity.
Sorry, you lost me at ambition.
Dear agent, I have shown the below proposal to seven other agents and am waiting to hear from them. In the meantime I am sending it to you.
I’m eighth on your list? Oh joy. And here I was thinking that it really wasn’t worth getting out of bed today.
My books have become a source of inspiration for thousands of people who, having acquainted with the technologies of salvation, made many discoveries about their opportunities and received excellent results. Therefore my works are necessary for everybody in their everyday life and the study of my works until the first results doesn’t take much time.
Uh…what?
I am seeking representation for a “THREE BOOK” series…
Okay, you’re blowing my mind. Is it that you want me to think it’s three books, but it’s really one book divided into three parts? Or is it two books, the second of which has a really long appendix that could be considered a book in its own right? This is killing me….Oh wait. Never mind. You’re one of those people who doesn’t know how to use quotation marks. Next time, please submit your query here: http://www.unnecessaryquotes.com
Hello, I am A Christian woman that recently has been lead by the Lord to write books for little childrens and teensagers. I beleive these are blessings from above and I am convinced the Lord will will lead me to the write agent/pupblisher/illustrator.
I’m no theologian, but I wonder if the Lord should first lead you to a dictionary.
