I would like to share with you my story, my life which has given me a gift to write, to put in words the way to love, to truth, to honesty within oneself. It is hard to be different nowadays when work, career and things are more important than being alive and find the only way worth living - the love to oneself and whole Universe.
Option A: Take today off and get sloppy drunk
Option B: Stab my eyes out
I have written a book. I would like to know if you would be interested in becoming an agent to help me get the work published?
Good news. I already am an agent! I’ve got the secret decoder ring and dog-eared copy of How to Become an Agent in 10 Easy Steps: Your Guide to a Decadent Life of Wealth and Fame to prove it.
Since we both have the same interests, I feel you might be a good match for me and my book.
Wait. Are you telling me you’re interested in Furby collecting and quiet nights watching the Home Shopping Network, too? Forget the book. I’d like to get your digits.
Dear agent, I’m a spiritual healer and author/scribe. I was guided by Jesus to email you this, who I’ve met in person many times, while touring throughout creation together!
I’m jealous. I hear Jesus gets his tour guests killer discounts at hotels and theme parks.
I am seeking an agent with a sense of urgency, ambition, and integrity.
Sorry, you lost me at ambition.
Dear agent, first of all, let me tell you that I have applied for a copyright for my book, so I hope you will respect that.
Curses! Without a copyright I would have outsourced your book idea to India, where a team of writers would carefully plagiarize it and then hand it back over to me. After which, I would put my name on it as author and ride it to glorious bestsellerdom.
God told me to write this book and that it would become a bestseller.
I talked to God. He said he was just fucking with you.
I hope this submission leaves you in a condition of uncontrolled and irreversible “wow.”
Last time I was in that condition I spent the next day in a Mexican jail.
I truly believe this book of poetry can be used by people personally, whether it’s for your wedding vows, or even just to make a crowd of guests laugh.
Yes, there’s nothing like a crowd of wedding guests howling in laughter at your wedding vows.
SlushPile Hell turned 4 today! We’re finally learning to use the potty.